What really bothers me is when a girl is posed with the question, "If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?" and the dumb girl says "Absolutely nothing, I love him just the way he is." And she probably finishes off with an annoying overly feminine giggle.
Really? Really? Reeeeeeeeeaaallllllly?
There isn't a single thing you would change about your guy? You wouldn't change him biologically so that he is no longer able to fart? You wouldn't make him suddenly have a hankering for doing the dishes? You wouldn't change his aversion to vacuuming and his love of ball-itching?
I know exactly what I would change about Jordan. I pray that I come across a genie so that I may have three wishes, and all three wishes would be used on this one thing to make sure it works. I love that man and I can deal with any vices or shortcomings, save one. It all comes down to three little words, and my dearest hope that I never have to hear them again.
"Are you for real?"
I'm no mathematician, but I realize that's four words and not three. I said three words because statistically they average to three anyway, as they have been melded and evolved to variations including but not limited to, "Ya'll fer real?", "Ya fer real?" and my least favorite and completely rushed, "Ya fer ra?"
Those words have lost all meaning to me. I can no longer imagine how they might have been used in a normal setting. Jordan responds to nearly everything I say with those words.
"Do you want lasagna for dinner?" "You for real?"
"Don't leave your snot rags lying around, the dogs eat them and shred them up." "Ya'll fer rall?"
"Do you wanna go see a movie?" "Youffer real?"
I feel a little bit like The Incredible Hulk because every time he says it my blood pressure gets higher and higher until Hulk SMASH! I let out all the frustration and take the phrase literally.
"YES, I am "for real", I for really want to go to the movies. When I said I wanted to go to the movies I wasn't just tricking you, I was for real"!
To which he responds, "Are you for real with that?"
Be honest peeps, what would you really change about your snookums?
3 comments:
There are a few things I wouldn't mind if my husband NEVER did or said again but the most obnoxious one he does is kind of along the lines of yours. I will be sitting on the couch reading and he will come in the room, look at me and ask "so, what are you up to?" I can be doing my thing in the bathroom and he will come and ask "so, what are you up to?" I have gotten to the point where my answers are the opposite of what I am doing, "oh, I'm just running a marathon." "I'm horseback riding."
Oh I could think of quite a few but after reading yours I will go with something also dealing with communication. Sam and I are not only different races but we come from opposite ends of this country. We have a language barrier and culture differences that we struggle with often. I will ask a simple question assuming that Sam is adult enough and smart enough to know what I am talking about. For example Me-(Referring to what he is cooking) "What are you making babe?" Sam-"Food." Me-"What are you reading babe?" Sam-"This article." I know this may seem simple but when you get stupid answers like this day in and day out it is enough to drive a woman mad! It puts me into a murderous rage and makes me wish I had some sweet fighting skills so I could teach him a lesson!! I often say, "Your little word games don't make you smart they just make you annoying and obnoxious!"
PS When I do it to him just to show him how annoying it is he hates it but won't admit it.
while the farting and other obnoxious noises would be nice if they all vanished i would say that if a genie came to me pointed to him and said change something, it would have to be his sarcasm.. i've been with cory long enough to know that you NEVER take him literally, never take him seriously, EVERYTHING he says is sarcastic.... as long as you remember that you'll get along with him absolutely fine, i cant even count the arguments between friends, and the apologies, and eye rolling that goes on because his friends and even his brothers cant remember that you dont take him seriously... granted the one time he is serious is the one time no takes it as such...*sigh*...so annoying..
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