The Elusive White Lion

Friday was Jordan's day off.  I guess he was bored 'cause I noticed that he started to drop files into my Dropbox.  I opened it up and saw that they were images of white lions.

Which, I think we can all agree, is pretty peculiar.  To say the least.

I texted that chap asking what the deal was with all the white lion pictures, and he just responded that he would show me when I get home.  This made me incredibly nervous, and I didn't see anything good coming out of him not being able to tell me why he was doing a little research on the subject of white lions.

Flash forward to me getting home.  I put my key into the lock, and I'm greeted to Brighton's barking.  This is completely normal.  Bella doesn't bark, but they both rush to the door to greet me and welcome me home from work.  I love this.  It's nice to know that there are creatures at home anxiously awaiting my return.

I wonder if I could request that Jordan bark when I get home?

So I open the door and there is Bella, spinning in backwards circles as she tends to do when she gets excited.  Then rushes towards me a creature that I am not sure how to process.  A million things run through my head as I try to comprehend what has happened.

It was a white lion.

Jordan proudly exclaimed "He's a lion!  Look how big his head looks on his little body!"

Later he asked if he could get some professional haircutting scissors since now he's a pro, and said that if I wanted he could make me look like a lion as well.

Mighty tempting.

Now he's thinking about cutting off his beard, but leaving a long goatee.  I'm thinking about hiding all the scissors.



It's a New Day Money Saving Method©

Come one!  Come all!  Step right up ladies and Gentlemen and hear about the wonders of the It's a New Day Money Saving Method©!

Hard pressed for cash?  Down on your luck, and having a hard time saving money?  With three easy steps the It's a New Day Money Saving Method© will give you the tools you need to save your money for a rainy day!

Before we jump into this method, let me ask you one question; What is the biggest hurdle to saving money?  Did I hear an audience member say "Willpower"?!  You're absolutely right!  Willpower, ladies and gentlemen have tripped up stronger people, and it's the lack thereof that makes it difficult to resist those impulse buys.

But with the It's a New Day Money Saving Method© we completely take willpower out of the equation!

But Bre, how are you going to do that?

Good question astute audience member I haven't paid to act interested.  We are going to take willpower out of the equation by not giving you an option to spend at all!  You won't need to exercise any willpower because spending money won't even be possible!

I don't understand, Bre.  Will you tell me more?

You bet I will, complete stranger I've never met before!  Now let's talk about those three easy steps of the It's a New Day Money Saving Method© I mentioned previously.

(Raucous applause)

STEP ONE:
Take any and all available money from your checking account, and make a brave and bold move to pay off your credit card bill!

That sounds like a good idea!

NO- it's a great idea!  Paying off debt feels empowering, is fiscally responsible and it's the first and arguably the most important step in the It's a New Day Money Saving Method©! 


STEP TWO:
Lose your credit card!

Did you say lose my credit card?

That's right, lose it!  And I don't mean cancel it and get rid of it, I mean lose it!  Completely forget where you put it.  I want you to lose it so good you're confident it slipped into a wrinkle in time and space and now only exists in an alternate universe!

By losing your credit card, you not only won't be able to use it to for those impulse buys, but you won't be able to use it for those things you think you need either! 

Ok, that makes sense, I guess.  What's the next step?

STEP THREE:
This one is a little tricky, but absolutely critical.  You need to lose your credit card right as your debit card expires!

But Bre, if I lose my credit card, and my debit card is expired, won't that leave me with no way to spend money?

Exactly, audience member!  That is the beauty of the It's a New Day Money Saving Method©!  We have effectively removed all the tools you need to spend money.  Without those tools, you will have no choice but to save your money!

Ok, but wouldn't my bank send me the new debit cards?

Sure, they do- but make sure you lose the letter that provides you with your new PIN number- ensuring you can't use your debit card either!

Wow, you've thought of everything!

I sure have, audience member that also happens to be on the payroll!  The It's a New Day Money Saving Method© is 100% complete!

But, can't I just withdraw cash from an ATM or the bank?

Can you?  Remember, dear audience member, in Step 1 you took those funds from your checking account and paid off your credit card.

Oh.  Yeah, I thought that was a good idea at the time.

You sure did, and why would it not be?  Now, with the It's a New Day Money Saving Method© you have covered all bases to never spend!

But what happens if you need to put gas in your car?

Excellent question.  Let me start by saying it's remarkable how far you can drive once your fuel light is on, and your gas gauge is past "E".  Secondly, you all have spare change laying around in your car, purse or in a piggy bank at home, right?

(A massive shout from the entire audience) RIGHT!

Well, now is your chance to put that spare change to good use!  Relive your high school days when you dropped $4.18 in change on the gas attendant's counter and apologized profusely.  Doesn't that make you feel young again?!

(Another massive shout)  YES!

(Me, shadow boxing)  The It's a New Day Money Saving Method© will knockout your debt and pump you up (Cheesy laughter) Full of savings that is!

Bre, how do you know so much about the It's a New Day Money Saving Method©?

Well, I'm not only the creator, but I follow the plan myself!  I haven't spent a dollar in over a week!

(Overwhelming applause and standing ovation while credits roll)

Lord of Valentine's Day

Confession:  I'm kind of a nerd.  In High School I was pretty obsessed with Lord of the Rings.  For Valentine's Day I thought it would be fun to hand out little valentines to all my friends, since I hadn't done that since sixth grade.  And I knew without a shadow of doubt that I wanted to get Lord of the Rings valentines.  I skipped off to the store (let's not get literal) and looked for LoTR valentine cards.

There were all sorts of themes to be found, but no Lord of the Rings.

I was pissed to say the least.

I was a little embarrassed that no one had the foresight to create Lord of the Rings valentine cards, but I wasn't about to give up that easy.  I had a plan.  I would be making this cards.   And they were going to be fantastic.

All I needed was pictures from the movie and cheesy sayings (i.e. I choo-choo-choose you) to coincide with said pictures.  Me and my friend sat down and came up with the most ingenious valentine card sayings ever thought of this side of the Mississippi.  My friend put them together, and heaven help me if they weren't the coolest cards on any side of the Mississippi.

Cool enough that I couldn't bear to give them away.  And friends spent Valentine's Day sans 1 LoTR V-Day card.  I still have them in fact, and would like to share.  Also, if you hate Lord of the Rings you can't read.

If I had thought of this earlier I could have scanned these and you would be able to see them in their full glory, but please accept my apologies, and enjoy the sayings at least.

Far-a-mir satisfaction, be mine for Valentine's Day

Why don't you give smea-gol-little lovin'?

Your love comes in pints?  I'm getting one!

I would be quite Merry if you would be mine for Valentine's Day

Your love is quite Hobbit forming

You Took my heart away

Gimli a little kiss!

We likes your loves fresh . . .Raw & wriggly  (Although, now that I'm older that sounds incredibly wrong)

I'll never Lego-las . . . Happy Valentines Day

We've have one, yes. . . But what about a second kiss?

Be mine, my own, my preciousssssss

Well you need people of good looks for this Valentine's . . . Day . . .thing.

Urakai . . . Be my Valentine?!  (My personal favorite, and my mom actually came up with that one.  Iif you're having a hard time figuring it out, "Urakai" is supposed to sound like "you're a guy".  There, you're getting it now)

I'd be a Sar-u-man if you won't be my Valentine

Golly, I am literally blushing with how completely dorky I am.  But at the same time, I just can't regret these awesome cards.

Happy Valentine's Day all my lovely lovelies!

Respect the Do

Brighton has grown increasingly shaggy.  Due to a sufficient amount of procrastination, and a less sufficent amount of funds, we haven't gotten around to getting his hair cut.  Also, he's super cute when shabby.  I mean, shaggy.

The only thing I feel bad about is that his hair covers his eyes and I'm 82% confident he could be considered legally blind. I'm curious to see if I can get him a seeing eye dog, or if being a dog himself would be considered a conflict of interest.

He's also got fabulous comoflage.  I'm thinking about painting his nose white to complete the illusion.

To help him see we tried putting barrettes in to clip his hair back, but that just seemed like animal cruelty.  So we experimented and a suave little comb over did the trick to clear his eyes.

Also, he looks a little familiar.  Who does he remind me of?  Oh yes.

Practically twins. 

Comb over- check
Looks like an old man yet devilishly handsome- check
Scraggly facial hair- check
A stare that goes straight to your soul- check

Yes, a dead ringer.

And for those crazy nights at home, Brighton always has this look in his arsenal:

I think this look is actually a little slimming.  Also, it's straight up Gary Busey.

Or, if you would prefer:

Everyone loves the troll dolls, right?

Happiness

Bre: "What are you working on?"

Jordan: "I'm making you a CD!"

Bre: "Aw, that makes me happier than a . . . a . . . um, a . . . "

Jordan: "Goat."

Bre: "Ok, sure.  It makes me happier than a goat."

I was trying to think of a clever comparison, like "happier than a fly on poo", but I suppose I would be happier than a goat.  Though, I'm assuming all I need is opposable thumbs to be happier than a goat.

Although . . .

Maybe Jordan has a point.

Vegetarianish

Last weekend I went to Texas Roadhouse with a couple of my family members.  They convinced me to try the steak, and I decided to give it a go, and me and my sister, Britney decided to split one.

The waiter came along and asked for our order, and asked how we'd like it cooked.  Britney piped up with "medium rare" as I was about to say "well-done" and I realized that although we're splitting a steak we never put much thought ahead of time that we'd probably want it cooked differently.  The waiter and my family assured me that "medium-rare" was the best way to cook a steak 'cause the meat melts in your mouth.  Really, melting meat is the best way you can convince me to try something new?  'Cause the idea of meat melting in my mouth isn't as appetizing as you might think.  I said ok, I'll do it your way, let's go ahead and cook it medium-rare.

The steak came out and my stomach flipped.  It was so red.  I was told that the red is just the juices, and it's not blood.  Personally, I'm going to go ahead and assume that if it looks like blood, smells like blood and tastes like blood, chances are extremely high that it's blood.  The kind waiter happened to stop by as I said "I'm sorry, I just can't eat that." and said he'd take my half back to cook more.  While I'm incredibly grateful, I couldn't help but wonder why that option wasn't offered in the beginning while we were debating how the steak should be cooked.  My brother said to the waiter, "Sorry, she's a vegetarian, and we're trying to get her to start eating meat."  Not true, but completely worth the look on the waiter's face as his jaw dropped and said something along the lines of  "Wow, you're sure throwing her out there starting her with a steak."

My steak came back still pink, but I didn't want to be the brat to send it back a second time, and decided to just eat it as is.  I don't want to use the word "painful", but I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a steak girl.  That meat just sat in my stomach all day and made me feel gross.  I'm still waiting for a cat-sized parasite to burst through my stomach adorned in top hat and tails ala Space Balls's parody of Alien.

But now I'm thinking maybe I should be a vegetarian. I've actually put a lot of thought into this, and I'm going to do it.  No animal products whatsoever.

Except dairy of course.  That's not really a big deal, anyway.  And life without ice cream is no life at all.  Oh, and eggs I think are fine 'cause those things were never alive anyway, and they get laid whether or not people eat them.  So milk and eggs, but everything else is off limit.

Except. . .  tuna's not bad, right?  Fish aren't really that sentient and fish are just fish.  Yes, tuna is ok.

Although, chicken is just the basic white meat, right?  Chicken is just chicken and it's hard to get away from chicken, so why bother?  Ok, so chicken is acceptable.  It'll be my source of protein, since the body has to have protein.

And Turkey on thanksgiving.  What is Thanksgiving without turkey?  Turkeys are stupid anyway.  They can drown themselves by looking up at the sky when it rains.  That being said, they kind of deserve to die.

And bacon is super delicious.  I mean, really really good stuff, that bacon.

Other than that I'm going to be a totally hardcore vegetarian.