All Natural

All Natural is such an ambiguous statement. A lot of companies slap “All Natural” on their product to make it sound healthier.  If it’s a package of stir fry, and it’s labeled all natural I just roll my eyes. Of course it’s all natural! It’s got chicken and various veggies, all of which are grown on God’s green earth, and by default are natural. That’s like holding up a 4x4 block of wood and saying, lookie, this is all natural, so let’s charge more.

A cleaning solution made with all natural ingredients? Ok, sounds more impressive, right? I’ll agree, but then I’ll look on the ingredients list and it’s full of random crap I’ve never heard of.  I thought I was going to see stuff like citric acid, honey and the sweat of a burly man.

Then I think, couldn't a substance made from anything available on Earth be considered natural?

I looked up an all natural cleaning product and it boasted “No Ammonia, Formaldehyde, Chlorine, Petrochemicals, Benzene, 1,4-Dioxane or Phosphates.”  Then I pick a random ingredient to see what exactly it’s made of. I Google Chlorine, and up pops the following: “Chlorine is a natural chemical element”. Hmmm, interesting. Chlorine is all-natural folks, so it’s ok!

Wanna know what else is all natural?
Heroine
Weed
Tobacco

Why am I only able to think of things you can smoke?  I can do better.

Toilet paper
Leather bound books
My underwear (cotton breathes)

You get the idea.

Wendy's just came out with their Natural Cut French Fries with Sea Salt. Oh boy, here we go. It’s cut naturally! As opposed to how they cut them before. Basically, they just leave the peel on.  I think they’re getting the better end of the deal ‘cause they no longer have to peel their potatoes before they cut them, freeze them, ship them out and deep fry them in fat.  I looove when people specify that the salt is sea salt.  Sounds pretty spiffy, huh?  But is sea salt healthier than good ol' Salt Lake salt?  Salt is just salt!  Whether it came out of the sea, or some other random source, it's still salt!

Whenever I hear about Bare Minerals I'm in the hypothetical crowd, golf clapping with awe.  Then I got to thinking.  How come they never tell us what kind of mineral I'm rubbing on my face?  Is it really as classy as I think?  Maybe it's a great shade of dirt dug out of some guy's backyard?  If it's so wonderful I would like to hear a geologist give its class and in what era it was dug out of. 

Lucky for you, I did a little bit of research, and by that I mean I Googled "What is the scientific name for mineral powder?"  I found out it's called "Streak".  So, that actually answered that.

No one wants to buy a product called Bare Streak.
Although, I'm not sure bare should be used in any product used to cover things up.  But that's just me.

Brotherly Love

Look at these two adorable creatures.  This is Brighton when we first got him as a pup, and his brother Havoc.  Coincidentally, my sister Britney has Havoc.  In the beginning, Havoc lived with us for a couple weeks while Britney and her husband were moving into their new house.  As you can see, they got along quite nicely.  You can feel the love; that picture is dripping with tenderness, right?

Well, Havoc went home with Britney, and ever since then they have wanted nothing to do with each other.  Especially on Brighton's part.  We take them to the park together, and whenever Britney comes to our house she brings Havoc with her.  We force them to try to bond and spend time together, but they don't seem to care about the deep blood bond they share.

Britney (look how adorable she is, being all pregnant) has developed a therapy session, where she holds one in each arm and forces them to have some face to face time.  But, obviously they don't seem too into it.  Look at that blatant avoidance of eye contact.  It's just so sad to see a rift between brothers like that.

Although, we have made progress.  It used to be that whenever Havoc came over Brighton would beg to be held, and when I picked him up he would crawl up onto my shoulder and sit there in his shoulder sanctuary.  Now, he's willing to be left on the ground.

Perhaps one day we will find them cuddling again.

P.S.  If you have to ask yourself which one is Brighton, just find the cute one, and that'll be him.

Equal Opportunity Easter

I was at Target earlier, and saw this.  I just couldn't resist taking a picture.

I know those people in marketing were wondering if the Easter Bunny really relates to every child out there?  Apparently the answer was no, and it's a great comfort to know that they addressed the situation.

This new age Easter Bunny is hip, spits mad rhymes and will pop a cap in yo @$$ if you short him on his dime bag.

I'm down.

Blast From the Past!

I can nearly guarantee that I'm more excited about this than you, but I just added a "Popular Posts" section on the right side of my blog.  Go ahead and look, it's there, I'm not lying.

Now, when I say "Popular Posts" it's not like they were voted on, or even literally popular per se, but I just picked a couple that I had a lot of fun writing, reliving or reading.  Perhaps you'll even enjoy them as well.  Who knows?

I particularly suggest "Public Restroom Woes" and it's second part.  Why, you ask?  Oh, just 'cause I think it should be brought to your attention what not to do in a public restroom.  TMI?  Maaaaybe.  You be the judge. 

I love you.

Bre

Promotion

I got a promotion at work!  It's actually kind of strange how it all happened.  I didn't apply for this new position, and I didn't ask for it.  Not that I'm complaining, 'cause I'm tickled pink.

I'm now a project manager in Marketing, and the beauty of it is that I'm still doing what I was doing before, but I'm able to expand my role and have more say in the direction my projects go.  I also will be assuming additional resonsibilities within the Marketing Department and creating new projects to better serve the company and customers.  Hurray for actually being able to make an impact.

It's so nice to have a change since I've been doing the same thing for a while.  It's also a little intimidating because with the added responsibility there is a little voice in the back of my head asking, "what if I suck?".  Also, my new desk is surrounded by the CEO and all the executives of the company.  My old desk was literally in a corner where no one could see me, and now I'm pretty much on display.

The good news is if the CEO picks his nose I can see it.

I've made it my life's goal to see it.

So here goes, I'm starting a big ol' adventure with a great opportunity.  Wish me luck!  I just may need it.

Turf Wars

I don't know about you guys, but in my house we have prime real estate.  There are wars waged on who gets this real estate.  Who uses the bathroom first, bed space and of course who gets the good seat in the living room are all up for grabs.

The war has gotten dirty.

We were getting ready to watch a movie, and whoever gets the good seat in the living room is usually based on first come first serve.  I happened to come first, so I served myself to the good seat.

Jordan opens the freezer and in utter panic exclaims, "Bre!  Look what's in the freezer!"

I join him at the freezer, but everything looks to be the same and I ask, "What?"

"Popsicles!"

I stand there confused, wondering why he would ask me to investigate the popsicles in the freezer while he literally struts over into the living rooms and sits in the good seat as if it were his throne.

I see what he did there.  I can even admire his tenacity.  A little bait and switch action, classic.

As I stand there with my arms folded he looks around and asks, "Where are my glasses?"

I just smile and point across the room where they sit on the entertainment center, and very much out of his reach.